So this week we had our suppression check. This is the appointment where we go in and the magic man does an ultrasound and checks out my ovaries to see if the Lupron and the Birth Control have done their job. I had this weird feeling all week that something was off. I happen to be a big believer in intuition (it's never failed me before) and I somehow sensed the appointment wasn't going to go well. I was really emotional pretty much from the moment I woke up, which was weird but not completely unexpected considering my body is no longer in control of it's own hormone cycles. I met Brady at the Magic Man's office and he did his best to reassure me. We headed in to the ultra sound and the doc is telling us what they are looking for, that they want to see how many follicles we have in my ovaries and hopefully no cysts. Right off the bat I hear the uh-oh before he even says it. There it is, a large cyst in my left ovary. This is like my millionth ultrasound in the last month so I've become accustomed to the weird shapes and shadows that make up my body on the ultrasound screen, and there it is. I start to cry. The Magic Man tries to sound positive as he measures the cyst and moves on to my right ovary where everything looks as it should. He sits up and the lights come up and I'm trying to not be completely obvious in my crying. The doc is trying to not notice my being upset and starts discussing the game plan. I sit up and do my best to cover myself with the super awesome paper blanket that is provided to cover my previously spelunked female parts and wipe the now mascara laden tears running down my face. I am aware that I am over reacting. I know this and yet I cannot seem to get a handle on the crying. The Magic Man tells us that the cyst was probably caused by the Lupron, and things can go one of two ways. Best case scenario is that though large, the cyst is emitting relatively low levels of estrogen, that we can therefore go in and eviscerate it and continue skipping down the IVF path. Worst case scenario is that it's producing lots of estrogen and will throw a wrench into our IVF plans by removing our ability to control hormone levels and we will have to scratch all the work we've done thus far and wipe our hands of this whole cycle. That means a month and a half worth of ultrasounds and blood work and shots will be worthless and another month will pass before we can even start thinking of getting on this ride again. Brady and the Magic Man are talking and discussing options and all I can do is think, really? Seriously, can I please just get one fucking break please!?!?! Brady and the doc give me a sympathetic look and I'm instructed to get dressed and come out for my blood draw. I start ranting to Brady as soon as the doctor leaves the room, my poor darling husband is so completely sweet and tolerant of my insane lack of emotional control it makes me cry even more. I get my blood drawn and the nurse on duty takes pity on me (or doesn't want me to frighten the other patients) and takes me into a back office to "talk" which is code for "please regain your composure before re-entering the waiting room". She reiterates that we don't ever really have complete control over this process and some times our body just does what it wants. She briefly goes over what will happen if my estrogen levels are low enough to go in and drain the cyst. I am not paying attention. I am trying to not look at her or Brady and desperately trying to stop sobbing and feeling sorry for myself. I leave the office and head to a friends house. We are supposed to have lunch and I am feeling like the worst sort of company I could be and she hugs me and assures me it is ok to be upset and frustrated and convinces me that we should go get lunch. Another friend arrives and we decide when in the dumps, only toasted cheese sandwiches will do and we head over to a big school bus on Alberta that serves only that. We lunch in the sun and I am feeling better. I get a call from the docs office and am shocked to hear that I have caught a break. My cyst is not producing copious amounts of estrogen and can be drained and they will see me the following day. Great! Wait, what? How exactly do you drain a cyst inside the ovary? I call Brady, he is happy that we can move forward and promises to be there to hold my hand. I am now trying to remember that conversation with the nurse that I wasn't really paying attention to and recall something about local anesthetic. I think it's probably just a shot or something and enjoy the good news.
I wake up bright and early and head into the city to get my cyst drained, Brady is there waiting and we head in and see my doc. I am in a jovial mood and I think this is a relief to the Magic Man. He mentions that he felt bad for me the day before and I tell him that it's only because the drugs he is prescribing are really tear serum and I won't hold it against him. Then he tells me all about exactly how he is going to drain the cyst and I almost reconsider that. I am told that they are going to go into the ovary through the vaginal wall with a needle. But it's ok because first they are going to take a different needle and inject some Novocaine to numb it first. "like the dentist" he tells me. Really? You're comparing my vagina to my gum line? Will my vagina drool afterwards like when I get a cavity filled? The good news, he assures me is that the pain will last only a second. I lay back and Brady comes over and holds my hand. They flip on the ultrasound machine and the wand goes in, I choose to not look at the needles and though the doc warns me it's coming the pain catches me off guard. This is the Novocaine shot and we wait about 5 min before he goes back in to drain the cyst. Brady is watching the screen along with the doc and I am looking at Brady, it weirds me out to see everything happening inside me. The doc tells me that I need to be very still, and I do my best to go zen and not move, there is a sharp pain and Brady tells me it's in. Then it's over. I am relived. I'm told I took it like a champ, advised to put on one of the circa 1976 maxi pads for spotting and continue on my drug regimen as advised. I feel better. I feel like I caught a break and I'm grateful I can continue on this cycle. It's frustrating to me that there are so many things that can go wrong. It seems so grossly unfair that anyone going through all of this should face so many potential obstacles. I am reminded in a way that I shouldn't take any of this for granted, that every day we get to move forward with this process is a gift and I am one of the lucky ones in so many ways. Some days it's hard to remember that, especially when you have needles in your vajayjay, but I'm going to try.
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