So technically our ride on the IVF roller coaster began weeks ago, with the onset of the testing to move forward, but after this weeks trip to the pharmacy it actually feels real. We knew it was coming, we had read the information and power point presentations and heard the stories from friends and even family members who have gone through IVF, but nothing really prepared me for the drugs.
I will start by saying that I am already taking birth control, I know right? Birth control to get pregnant? The pharmacist that handed them over to Brady was confused too (normal pharmacy). I am in the initial drug phase of the process, this is the supression stage. The idea here is to stop my body from functioning in it's normal hormonal capacity so that the Magic Man and his assistants can call the shots from here on out. But so far this is the only drug I've had to take for this process.
So the docs originally fax my drug order to some mail order pharmacy, I have no idea why this is the norm for this kind of stuff. There is one local pharmacy whose niche is fertility drugs, thankfully it is both close to my office and my the Magic Man's office. I call ahead to make sure my order is ready and I head up on my lunch break to pick up the goods. Now I've seen the drug order, I've familiarized myself with where they fit on my IVF calendar so I know there are several. I know there are needles and pills, vials and swabs but nothing prepares me for the moment when the pharmacist steps forth with a SHOPPING BAG full of stuff.
I stare in disbelief and try to catch my breath and make sense of what the pharmacist is telling me. There are inections with two parts, injections that need to be refriderated and there are even injections that have a special 007 type pen with it's own carrying case. There are so many boxes and colors and labels spread out before me its insane. For some reason what I focus on are the needles, oh my god the needles. I am not actually scared of needles, quite the contrary, I have given blood and am friendly with my phlebotomist but the sheer volume of them has me starting to breathe funny. It cannot be possible that I will need this many needles, clearly this is wasteful and meant as an intimidation tactic. The pharmacist senses my complete loss of rational thought. She stops for a second, she asks if I am ok, clearly this isn't her first rodeo. We start again and I try to take mental notes. It's impossible to keep it all straight without lists, I tell myself as soon as I get home with my stash of drugs I am making lists. I will pile them on the coffee table and organize them and it will all make sense. I leave the pharmacy feeling dazed and head back to the office where I start looking through the littany of info sheets full of reactions and side affects, I decide maybe I don't want to know all this stuff after all, I will leave this for Brady to read.
Brady is an engineer, he likes to understand things, he likes to examine and read and make sense of things that I grow frustrated with in a moments time. He is big and strong and he also doesn't like needles. I arrive home and he is waiting to examine my cache of drugs. I empty the bag out and he is blown away. He cannot beleive the variety and ammount of stuff. He starts sorting through things, we match up what we have with what is on the order and pull out our calendar to see what drugs we inject when. We come across the 18 gauge needles. Brady has to sit down. He is breathing fast and looking pale. The needles we have used thus far have not been this big. Brady is wondering if he can in fact, give me these injections. The big needles are for the intramuscular shots that I cannot give myself. I am wondering in my head who both loves me and gets annoyed with me enough to be willing to give me this massive shot every day if Brady cannot. Brady assures me that he can do it. I am thinking of how I can make it easier for him and then I remember, it's me getting the shot.
Thankfully we have a week before we start the shots, and before we do we have our first class, we are hoping we will learn that we can do this. We are hoping that it isn't really as intimidating as we think and that it is actually easier than it looks, because right now all we see is a big pile of scary.
No comments:
Post a Comment